Insights about Heart Communication & True Connection
Sometimes you feel that something different is needed. From my holistic perspective as an orthopedagogue and primary school teacher, I recognize that feeling all too well. The Lazuli training Heart Communication & True Connection came at exactly the right moment. I was looking for ways to open myself up, to make real contact with others, to experience joy and lightness, while both children and I could be central. I also wanted to explore how I could connect with my gifts, especially when they seem to reach beyond the ‘normal’.
Purpose and Content of the Training
The Lazuli training Heart Communication & True Connection focuses on deepening connection with yourself, with others, and with the child standing before you. It’s designed for adults who are in daily contact with children: parents, teachers, pedagogical staff, and professionals within care and education. From a holistic and systemic perspective, you learn how your inner state, your attention, your words, and your energy directly influence a child’s wellbeing.
Central to this is developing absolute freedom. The training invites adults to open themselves up, to recognize and trust their intuition, so that the child can flow along in the same stream of safety and development.
Adults as Bridge Builders
An important theme in the training is building bridges. A bridge symbolizes trust: without a bridge, no connection, and without connection, no safety. For children, especially for sensitive or highly sensitive children, that bridge is essential.
In the training, adults learn:
- how they can strengthen the feeling-bridge instead of relying solely on the thinking-bridge
- how love, safety, and predictability form the foundation for development
- how love languages help the child not only to know love, but especially to feel it
- how their own peace, self-care, and inner balance influence the child’s state
- how you can see resistance, anger, or withdrawal behavior as signals of a missing bridge
When adults learn to build bridges lovingly, consciously, and consistently, a safe foundation emerges in which a child can grow, breathe, and be themselves. Thus, connection becomes not just a concept, but a daily, tangible reality.
The Six Love Languages
In the training, the six love languages form an important starting point: physical touch, positive words, time and focused attention, helping from your heart, gifts, and time & space. These languages help children not only to know they are loved, but to actually feel it. When a love language is missing or only partially present, the child becomes unbalanced.
Too little attention or closeness can evoke insecurity; too much can feel suffocating. Therefore, it’s essential to use all love languages daily and consciously, while simultaneously taking responsibility for your own need for time and space. From this balance, a child’s love tank can remain filled.
A full love tank brings peace, flow, and positive behavior. A half-full tank causes frustration, fatigue, or behavioral problems, while an empty love tank can lead to anger, illness, control, or destructive patterns. By consciously speaking the love languages, a solid foundation for safety, trust, and development emerges.
OVERVIEW PER LOVE LANGUAGE
Physical Touch
Positive Examples
- Baby on chest → attachment & heart connection
- Taking a child on your lap
- Giving a hug upon coming home
- Putting an arm around someone
- Holding hands
- Giving high-fives
- Playful roughhousing, taps, pushes
- Stroking hair or making a braid
- Gently rubbing the back
- Sitting together on the couch
- Placing a warm hand on the shoulder during sadness
- Head on someone’s shoulder
- Massage of hands, feet, back
- Combining eye contact with light touch
- Teenagers: adjusted closeness (kiss at home, pat on shoulder)
- Partners: taking each other’s need for closeness seriously
- Adults without partners: massage, bodywork, acupuncture
Negative Examples
- Never hugging for years, distant attitude
- Receiving love coldly or rejectingly
- No initiative, little physical warmth
- Too much touch: boundary violations, violence, punishment, too hard or too intimate
- Skin hunger due to structural lack of physical closeness
Core Message
Touch regulates stress, attachment, and safety. A deficit creates emptiness, longing, restlessness.
Positive Words
Positive Examples
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “I see how hard you’re working.”
- “Thank you for being here.”
- “I believe in you.”
- “You did that well.”
- “How nice that you’re sharing this with me.”
- “You are important.”
- Comforting words: “You’re safe, I’m with you.”
- Sweet cards, notes in jacket pocket or lunchbox
- Text: “I’m thinking of you.”
- Sincere compliments about effort, character, or behavior
- Active listening and summarizing
- Encouraging before a difficult task
- Language that radiates trust and leadership
Negative Examples
- Criticism, sarcasm, humiliation
- Shouting
- Judgmental or disapproving words
- Applying pressure via “you must…”
- Insincere compliments
- Manipulative language (“if you…, then I…”)
- Not saying what you do feel (child feels your inner world anyway)
Core Message
Words build a child’s inner voice. Conscious language = safe growth.
Time & Focused Attention
Positive Examples
- One-on-one time: walking, cycling, playing together
- Phone away during conversations
- Drinking tea together and really talking
- Playing together: puzzle, Lego, game, sports
- Outing to park, forest, playground
- Eye contact and complete presence
- Reading a book together, reading aloud without rushing
- Cooking or baking together
- Remaining present when someone tells a story
- Rituals: evening chat ritual, bedtime ritual
- Listening to music together
- Conversations in the car without radio
Negative Examples
- Distraction by phone or screens
- Multitasking during a conversation
- Not taking time for real one-on-one
- Half-listening or quickly cutting off
- Overly full schedule
Core Message
Attention is love in its purest form. Presence = being seen.
Helping from Your Heart
Positive Examples
- Doing chores together (cooking, tidying, washing)
- Doing groceries for someone having a hard time
- Guiding a child without taking over
- Listening when someone is struggling
- Making a plan or step-by-step guide together
- Asking “How can I help you?”
- Standing by while someone tries something themselves
- Cooking for someone or lightening a task
- Taking someone to an appointment
- Practical support: making the bed, taking out the trash
- Teaching a child to ask for help
Pitfalls and Negative Examples
- Doing too much and taking away responsibility
- Helping out of guilt
- Helping to expect love in return
- Ignoring your own boundaries
- Making children dependent instead of independent
Core Message
Helping = being present without taking over. You guide toward autonomy.
Gifts/Presents
Positive Examples
- Self-picked flower
- Stone, feather, treasure chest that a child finds
- A drawing
- Small wrapped gift
- Book that matches interests
- Card at an unexpected moment
- Symbolic object: stone, amulet, figurine
- Memory box
- Homemade cookies or crafts
- “I’m thinking of you” gift
- Surprise on the table upon coming home
- Jar with sweet notes
Negative Examples
- Gifts out of guilt
- Bribing (during divorce or conflict)
- Giving too much to fill a void
- Receiving indifferently
- Giving gifts to expect something in return
Core Message
A gift is love in tangible form. It’s about meaning, not value.
Time & Space
Positive Examples
- Letting a child make their own mistakes
- Letting them choose for themselves (clothing, hobby, pace)
- Letting them solve problems themselves (you’re on standby)
- Not intervening during discovery or experimentation
- Giving space to feel and express emotions
- Time to decompress after school
- Break during overstimulation
- “I trust that you can do this.”
- Not controlling, but being available
- Letting them play independently
- Letting them gain experience: what works/doesn’t work?
- Clear agreements and boundaries
- (Re)distributing responsibilities
- Silence, meditation, rest moments
- Giving someone time to process or heal
Pitfalls
- Pretending to let go while internally controlling
- Intervening out of fear
- Wanting to spare life lessons
- Giving too much freedom without frameworks
Core Message
Time & space is unconditional love. Letting go = trusting the process.
Summary & Invitation to Deepen
The six love languages form a powerful foundation to let children, and yourself, feel that love flows. Through touch, positive words, time and focused attention, helping from your heart, meaningful gifts, and granting time & space, we build the feeling-bridge: the bridge that makes connection, trust, and wellbeing possible. When these languages are consistently and balanced used, the love tanks of children and adults fill naturally. The result is visible peace, harmony, resilience, and growth. But when one or more love languages are missing, voids emerge that fill with frustration, anger, control, or withdrawal behavior; signals that the child is not only unheard, but especially unfelt.
These love languages touch on deep systemic themes: attachment, loyalty, family dynamics, boundaries, and the flow of giving and receiving. Sometimes it’s not about what we do, but about what we cannot feel due to the stories and loyalties we unconsciously carry.
Do you want to explore how you can make the connection with yourself, your soul, where self-love can flow? Through systemic constellations, we can make visible where the flow stagnates in you, in your child, or in the family system.
With family support at home, we explore in practice what your language of love, boundaries, and connection really looks like.
Further Reading, Listening, and Deepening
Do you feel inspired after reading to dive deeper into this? There are beautiful resources that take you even deeper into this consciousness work and in guiding children and yourself, from love, connection, and clarity.
- Lazuli training Heart Communication & True Connection by Eva Storm
- Book Sophia, Child with Crystal Energy, written by Eva Storm
- Christina von Dreien, books & YouTube
- Book Puberty, an Almost Impossible Task, written by Sonia
- Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall B. Rosenberg
